I Am My Own Worst Enemy....

Last Update: January 23, 2012

I started out the new year with high hopes and high expectations of what I wanted to accomplish and it only took three weeks for me to feel like I've been pushed off track.Why does this keep happening to me? I'm not trying to make excuses for why I can't do something, it just that I feel like I'm lost, not knowing which way to turn, or what to do next. So instead of doing something, I end up doing absolutely nothing which leaves me feeling like an utter failure. 

One of the most common offenders of my feeling of failure has to do with our finances. I promised myself that I would not spend money needlessly on Etsy, or at any other online store so I could work towards paying down our debt which desperately needs to be attended to. But instead of keeping to my much needed promise, I have spent money that I could not afford to part with which has also caused issues with my monthly membership at WA. It is literally my inability to pay a bill that makes me feel worse than anything else in my life.

There are moments when I just want to give up, but I know that I need to keep pushing forward, to at least get something done in the course of the day, but something as simple as getting one thing listed on eBay leaves me feeling like I haven't done enough. I am beyond angry at myself because I know all these problems come from within and the hardest thing for me is finding a way to fix this once and for all.  I hate my job and I know I want to stick with WA for the long haul, yet my boulder of debt constantly weighs on my shoulders, pushing me to find instant gratification methods to making money which I know do not exist. 

Either you have to spend time to make money, or you have to spend money to make money, and money is something I don't have, but I do have time. There is no reason/excuse for why I haven't completed my keyword research, there is no reason why I haven't moved forward in the 30 day club except for something inside me that keeps pushing me off on different tangents making me my own worst enemy when it comes to getting anything done.  

Maybe I'm spreading myself too thin yet again, but I do not know what else to do. I have a bunch of stuff in the house that needs to go away, and all I can think of is to sell it on Etsy, but the results of my efforts thus far have not met my expectations. Three boxes of ribbon, and maybe a dozen rolls have been sold so far. Maybe I need to suck it up and just throw it all on eBay in a huge lot, but I KNOW that is the surefire way to deliver the smallest profit for my efforts, but the clutter itself stresses me out so it needs to go. The office is unusable and I can't keep working from the kitchen table so I need to do something and fast!

Do I put my Etsy shops on hiatus,  which I really don't want to do, so I can clean house, or do I find a way to balance time between the two, which I have not been particularly successful with as of yet. I need to find the strength needed to get this stuff done and I think the only way that may happen is to finally implement some form of To Do list, painful as it may be, but I really don't think I have much of a choice as I fear its the only thing I can do to get myself under control as I am my own worst enemy when left to my own devices.

 

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Nemotink Premium
Doonesbury said, years ago, "We have identified the enemy, and they is us."

Your very honest post suggests to me that your major issue is that your actions proceed from a deemed crisis (needing to pay bills), rather than as part of a subconscious-driven set of steps toward a goal.
So what have you got? You want to clear the desk of paperwork; to be self-supporting; to be happy in your day to day work, and pay the bills.

It is good to analyse where you are, as you need to define a starting point. But it can be counter-productive if you paint it too black. Look at what you have. You are smart, eloquent, wanting to make a difference, but you are hedging by acknowledging procrastination and burdensome debt.

Write your list, review it every night. Decide on a time period you are prepared to devote to change. Let's say, 15 minutes. Decide on a time at which this period will commence. Let's say 5:00 am. (Why 5:00 am? Because the phone doesn't ring, the usual suite of unavoidable interruptions doesn't happen at that time). Whatever time you set, (and if you're a night person, make it 11:00 pm), try it out. After two nights, if it's too long, late, early .... change it. But do something every day. After 30 days you will be surprised and fascinated that you are now eager to get to that time slot. This stuff works. It really does. And it works for positive or negative in equal measure. See yourself as positive, happy, making decisions and moving through life doing what you love ... you get what you wish for.

Regarding the ribbons etc, what is it worth to sell? What did it cost you? What if you decided to make a positive assessment of your time value re potential profit, and realised that you could better invest your time in something like WAU? If your house burnt down and you lost it all, would you start the same business again? Can you convert your higher payment debt to longer term personal loan lower repayment debt?

I don't think you are your own worst enemy, yet. Put aside any thoughts of the "stigma" of losing on a business, and make a decision. Edison failed 10,000 times before the light stayed on. Is the ribbon business part of your dream for ten years' time, or was it a step in the right direction which has proven to be off the track?

Before you can work out your "how", you need to know your "why". You might say this is easy, but do you really know why you want to do what you have set yourself.

If you don't know your why, you will always find an easier how.
Amen!!
burntout Premium
Your enemy is a formidable opponant. Keep after her. You'll beat her yet.
Labman_1 Premium
I don't know why it is that you are having trouble with a ToDo list. WA has a nice one here ( well its adequate anyway), most of the calendar programs also have a ToDo list feature. All you need to do is pick one. Spend 1/2 an hour at the end of your day putting down all the things that you have on your plate and decide which ONE you should tackle. Just ONE. At a time. When you finish it.....check it off. Checking things off the list is a really good feeling. If you don't get to everything, well the next night you can re-prioritize. It really does help to put them down in a list. Don't fight it. Give it a whirl, I think you'll be amazed at yourself.
smokeywins Premium
I guess the biggest problem I've had with implementing a to do list is the fact that it always tends to get lost in the pile of paper on the table. I've started listed on a notepad, and then it gets buried only to be found months later. Maybe I need to find an electronic version since I am on the computer every day, just haven't had time to go and find one. Guess its my stubbornness coming out. Even though I know its broke, I can't bring myself to fix it...
I agree with Labman here, but instead of using the WA planner, I've implemented my blog for this purpose. It's much easier and I carry over the same format I learned from "Early to Rise [ETR.]" Instead of the long posts I've been making, I put something on there about as long as Labman's post here is...and use the bottom portion for my todo list/gratitude & accomplishment Journal which is part of the list. I've listened to the advice I got from my recent Forum thread and have integrated them into my day.
Karambolina Premium
Hi there. Don't give up! I can assure you I feel exectly the same. In fact, your situation isn't that bad at all: look, you already have Etsy shops, eBay shop - which means you ALREADY know how to make money online. I know absolutely nothing about IM. I joint WA last Nov and am overwhelmed by the amount of material I have to learn. I set up two sites: one is getting some comments most likely from those who are fishing for backlinks, the other site is dead as I put my energy into the first one. I had 3 articles published but so far no sales. I'm a complete newbie to all IM thing. It took me a week to set up Facebook plugin to my site, ha ha, and it is still not working right! I left my job recently voluntarily because (1) I hated it. (2) I realized that there was no point in wasting energy, time, effort, intelligence on making other people rich who will never appreciate it, (3) because I want to be my own boss.
Don't despair! Just make a short "to do" list for a day ahead instead of a Napoleon type plan with 100 things to do knowing you won't have a chance to do a half of them.
Stilltrying Premium
I know exactly how it feels. I am unemployed for the moment I have time to work on my projects but the confusion is wearing me down. I decide on something start working and then I stop because for some reason I don't believe in what I am doing. I have one blogg which has received 50.000+ visitors and has made only 20 or so sales. I have also a half done website to which I have added text but no images. All I can say keep trying, interact with other people. Try to find a method and a way of working the suits you. Also if I can help in any way feel free to contact me. Cheers, Joakim
Wow, do I relate... and Labman hit the nail on the head! When I found WA a couple of weeks ago, I made a decision to do 1 thing on WA everyday. I have my own business and I work hard for every dollar and I love it, but... I want more. What will we all have at the end of a year if we do atleast 1 thing every day toward this business? Don't even look at the stack of "Not Done", just see the ONE thing you are doing and do it with you whole heart. Sherry M
@Stilltrying Don't I know it! It's really a dilemma. Work and have it take up the lion's share of your time and energy...or not work and worry about bills and the confusion of not having an income. I've been trying to find a part-time job to get the best of both worlds, but in two years...nothing!
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