Being that it's my wife's and my 4th wedding anniversary today, I've been thinking a lot about our past years together...9 in total, to be exact! And well, I've come to realize that while it may not always seem this way in our lives... In truth, everything I have done in my life has been worthwhile!

Sure, there are times when on the surface, a choice we make may lead us down a road of disaster... Believe me, I know all too well about these types of choices. I mean, my wife, at one point during our dating years, decided to leave me! Yup, she flat-out dumped me! In fact, she told me, at the time, that she had no interest in talking to me again, ever! Those are some pretty powerful words to feel the need to tell someone, eh?! And all of this was due to the choices I was making at the time. Choices that weren't even "conscious," per se, like those we make day to day. No. Instead, I was dumped because of the way I was choosing to BE as a person at that moment in my life!

Of course, at that time, I might have punched someone in the face if they had told me that "Everything I do is worthwhile!" I mean, that's certainly not the way it looked from my perspective...during those moments of deep-felt anguish.
I mean, I felt as though I had ruined everything! I felt as though I was never going to get past the feeling of devastation that was eating away at me! And I ended up letting out all of my emotions...sometimes in anger...other times in tears! I cried... I yelled... Hell, I even wrote some poetry!

Here's a poem that I wrote in one of my deeply emotional states...

Tomorrow
My eyes are closed, but I cannot sleep
My mind is racing, as I slowly weep
Life looks blurry through my lonely tears
Losing control is my only fear
What do I do, Who do I see
Is there anyone out there with the answer for me
I need some help to stop my crying
For my thoughts and feelings are surely dying
When I near the end of my life, my story
Please let my memory be full of glory
As I lay awake in sleepless sorrow
I start to dream of a better tomorrow
4-1-04 5:00pm
Tyler Reed

It has only been in hindsight that I've come to realize the truth of this new mantra that I have begun telling myself every day!

Everything I do is worthwhile!

I mean, even within my deepest and darkest moments of relationship-related depression, I was able to produce something of value...my poetry! And since that time, I have been growing as a person by learning from my mistakes! I mean, heck, my wife and I ended up getting back together, even after she had told me she never wanted to talk to me again! Merely because I had truly changed who I was choosing to BE, as a person! And she saw that! And now, as I said above, we've been happily married for 4 years!

So I've come to understand that instead reaching the point of realizing...in hindsight...that everything we do is in some way worthwhile to us; I need to start with that mindset! I mean, how many times do we dash our own efforts by devaluing some of our own experiences? I know I have.  Hell, I couldn't see how being left out to dry, by the girl I loved, was valuable to me. However, I also wasn't approaching that situation with this mantra in mind. It was only when I began shifting my mindset toward the understanding that EVERYTHING we do is worthwhile in some way, that I began to relax, and my experiences began to feel more free and fluid...I began having more fun!  And I was able to look back and see that if I had only approached those past experiences with this mindset, I would have saved myself a lot of heart-ache.  But, as life makes us well aware...if I had not experienced and done exactly what I did, at that moment in time, I wouldn't be where and who I am today!

Now, in a world of "Don't do this!" and "Don't do that!," I am able to make decisions with the mindset that it's OK to act within what I feel to be the right direction for me in any given moment! Sure, I'm going to continue to make mistakes, but even those mistakes will be seen from the perspective of growth and freedom! No longer will I hinder my own efforts by continually second-guessing myself. Instead, I'll experience... I'll learn... and then I'll improve!

Because Everything I do is Worthwhile!