Alarm Clock!
Last Update: January 09, 2011

Ironically, there is a song playing...something from the 1940s,or possibly the late 1930s...all about vacationing in Brazil.  I had to turn it off.  At its silencing comes the dull roar of all the commuting traffic on the highway nearby...an all too familiar sound of the "work week."

It's Monday morning.  I can't spend too long writing.  I have been away from this scene since February - almost a year ago.  Gone was the ugly reality of having to get up before the chickens at the sound of an alarm clock forcing me into submission.  Gone was the repeated pushing of that Snooze button.

But it's all back.

Ten months of solid Internet marketing has passed.  It's now up and at 'em.  I'm thrust back into the hard highly routinized lifestyle of the working man...the wrong side of the fence once again...working for an employer.

In 45 minutes I'm out the door.  My life is now on the whim of an employer.  It's still dark.  My failures at Internet marketing has earned me back the reuniting of that old worn-out pair of shoes...time not my own anymore.  I'm languishing the taste of luxury I once had.\

Internet marketing has moved to second place...or third place in my life.  Will I even have much more than a couple hours a day anymore for it?

Cold hard reality filtered through my dreams and desires...once again.  Rain or shine, no matter what the weather...I'm drug out that door to a world not my own.  Doing now what I wrote so vehemently about - living life on others' terms rather than my own.  I've been defrocked.

My first day of employment is here.  It is a dark day for me.  I had a taste of luxury.  It is now wiped away like the dream that it was.  I had a chance to live it for awhile.  It didn't happen...such a costly mistake.

I must stop writing for time is not my own anymore...I have not given up.  It's time to change my strategy and work once again at regaining the freedom I had...or did I?

Golly, I wish it would get daylight outside!  Go people in WA!  Don't let this happen to you!  Get those sales!  If you are not working at a job, get busy here!  If you are in a job and hate the lifestyle...I feel for you.

I have to do this for now.  At least I will be able to keep WA.  It's 7:00 now.  If I don't get myself together I will be late the first day on this new job.  It's not a glory job by any means, but it's expedient.  It was a last resort.  So many people are happy now that I've come down out of the clouds...

The True Cost of Freedom

Even during that time off, I was not truly free.  I lived under someone else's roof.  I was still dependent.  The only taste of luxury I had was getting up when I wanted to without an alarm clock.  But it all came with indignation from others.

Now I'm congratulated warmly for having accomplished throwing aside my dreams and subjecting myself to what has been expected of me by the employee-minded.

In the world around me, my found treasures must remain a secret.  I'm back to silently working at them.  At least my closest neighbor understands my direction, though a practical man that he is, knew that my freedom was not real.  I had to go back to the muck...and not be negative about it.

I've slipped up again.

I'm supposed to be leaving right now and my bowl of cheap chili is still in front of me.

It's only a defeat.  All I can do now is get up again and get back in the game. We don't always win at them, but one day I will.  I can still feel it, as remote as that feels right now...

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Daniel Euergetes Premium
Well, I don't write novels, but I do write about life. I have some books written now. I knew that when I came back to Florida I would have to get a job. The person I was living with was not rough with me in any way. His family did not understand what I was doing and that's where the trouble started. The person who took me in, however, has given up on life. He is very neglectful both to his own life and his living conditions. He was always down and with a very strong victim mentality. I had to leave. The job turned out OK. I do not like having to get up so early but realize that comes with the course. As far as thinking big, yes...it was another reason I had to leave. People have a very hard time understanding people who resort to that kind of thing, since most people think mediocre and some think small. At least here I do have a couple friends who know what it means to succeed in life. Up there in Toledo, the person who took me in never told me I'd be around a bunch of red neck kind of people...people he calls "hill billies." I was beginning to have a lot of problems with some of these people. I had to leave for a number of reasons. I have written the story of my life. This project began in 1973 and is ongoing.
jatdebeaune Premium
Daniel, trust the process. Life and reaching your goals is not always a straight line.You don't know that this job you're taking isn't connecting you in some way to your path, maybe integrate what you've learned at WA with something very special that is just right for you. Sometimes these side trips we take out of necessity are blessings. You're just paying the bills and that's great. It's not great when you're living under someone else's roof and feel indebted to them. I think you should write a novel, anyway. You write expressively, like a novelist. Think big.
Daniel Euergetes Premium
This is why I said it was expedient. I realize the job situation is a temporary means. I really got used to not having to lead such a routinized life again. This was my first day and it turned out better than I thought. Yes, it will most likely be drudgery. Yes, all my efforts failed so far. The newness of this work situation will wear off in time and I will eventually work WA back into my routine. It too will have to be part of the routine and I simply did not want to get into a situation where I had to work around a job again. What really gets me is learning so much about the implications of employment...and the implications of freedom...and having to fall back. I do realize, however, that without employment, I would lose WA too. Learning what I have this year at WA has lessened the punch of having to go back. Before it was an endless tunnel. Now it is a stepping stone. I do, however, hate alarm clocks with a passion. The job I have requires that I use one of those bloody things again! Notice that I have realized that though I wasn't working, that did not mean I was truly free. Until I can live life completely on my own terms...that is, not depending on anyone for living, life's basic needs, nor an employer...I'm not free. Going into employment is the result of my failure...not the employment itself. I hope I've gotten IM down enough that it wouldn't take as much time (now given to employment) to succeed at this because, once again...it's not having to go into employment that was the failure...it's what I've done with my time away where I failed...only in regard to that I have not made sales...not the education that I did get.
Labman_1 Premium
Try not to be so negative. Look at your new employment as an opportunity not as a failure. Yes its true, you are working for someone else to make them a profit, yes its true that time spent away from WA pursuits can be trying at times. Look at your new-found world as an opportunity to find some stability and cover your assets to make life livable while you are still working at IM. Good luck to you. Look on the drudgery as an opportunity and life will be better for you and those you come in contact with.
muskyblood Premium
Good luck with the new job Daniel. If nothing else, this job provides you the opportunity to stay here at WA a bit longer. You have excellent writing skills. Don't give up on IM, you will hit it sooner rather than later I believe.
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