I was laid off from work in January; it was bitter-sweet.

On one hand, I liked being useful, having a small vision of the larger picture and finding ways to contribute. I also liked the steady weekly paycheques. I disliked the politics, the sheer duplicity, and how these games were accepted, even demanded of workers to be played. What ultimately hurt me was that I was temping and in the US if you temp, you have no rights, no recourse. So, like a thief in the night, my job disappeared. And yet, as I exited the building, I felt a distinct sense of relief. Went home, traded the rigid office uniform for the t-shirt and shorts (reside in balmy L.A.) I now always wear and contemplated not having a job. Not having to wake, get up at 5:30 am, and jostle with the other zombies on the bus. No more morning (expensive) ritual of the “perfect oatmeal” and pumpkin bread from Starbucks to be washed down with the fantastic (free, unlimited) coffee at work.

(musing) And the coffee WAS good, one of those Keurig brewers with single “k-cup” servings. The memory actually causes me to work up a tear of mild regret. I’ll have to get one of those when I manage to generate some money through my efforts in here.

In the 3 months since, I’ve dutifully applied for new jobs (and gotten the notices that they’ve gone to other people) while gradually becoming accustomed to less money but also A LOT less stress. I feel…well,  FREER…at least for the moment.

April 24th/13:23

I know something of me. New ventures like this hit me like a classic sugar-rush: I begin all filled with enthusiasm which flares brilliantly for a VERY little while followed by an equally dismal drop to quasi-despair as the enormity of the endeavors hits me. While this stage levels off, I am hoping to have found some projects to concentrate on, to have had some small successes to cling to, or else all kinds of reasons and opportunities will arise to keep me from coming back to WA. Is why I replied to and sent out social overtures to colleagues, is the reason I began this blog. I desire others to know that I am here. So should I fall away they might notice and will help me by calling me back.  Our society is cruel. It teaches us to erect a veneer of courageous smiles in the face of ordeals, even if behind it we are quaking and crying. It is not politic to appear vulnerable.

Yesterday, after reading the text on Pay Per Click advertising and Article Writing, I felt a need to go lay down for an hour. Is not to suggest that it was boring, it was just SO MUCH information. And it seemed “foreign” because I have no experience with anything like it to fall back on to make it manageable. To step away, I thought about the eventual website all of this is leading to. I’ve already bought the domain, I just need all of the OTHER components that bonded together will amount to a functioning site. And, of course, that is all new too. I viewed a Site Rubix website instruction video. It seemed so clear–just copy/paste text and download images saved to a file on your computer to a template. I gave it a go, I used the landing page from my affiliate referral link as my source document. But a poltergeist must have gotten into my keyboard because it all went to hell.  I could guess dimensions well enough to place downloaded images and text, it was just that some images were graphics (like the dialog box to capture a name & email address)  and could not be copied. Fonts seemed to shift and change when pasted and I had a hard time matching my source document. The poltergeist seemed especially fond of the “drag and drop” feature because THAT definitely had a mind of its own when I tried to make alterations. I never quite finished the page and what I had was giving me a migraine which was telling because I don't recall ever having one of those before.  I’ll have to watch someone create an elaborate page from beginning to end because I think it better to know how to do things than to rely on ready-made items. But NOT at this precise moment. Think it’s time for that nap.

April 28th/12:10pm

I’ve stopped reading for a while and have decided to begin setting up a campaign to market my WA affiliate link and perhaps another site. My Ad-Words account is ready and I’ve begun choosing keywords/phrases, I just need to configure them into an ad. My budget will be modest for May and I think I’ll pay it in advance, set a daily expenditure and per click rate to avoid being gouged.  Then the excitement should begin.

Yet more virgin territory for me, this campaign, yet better for me to get something started that I might be able to refine than to JUST read all of these lessons and risk losing my edge.

April 30th/10:42am

After a few forgettable starts, I’ve begun work on a rudimentary web page–or maybe a sort of mini website  since there are going to be several pages to it.  I am wondering in advance how I am going to merge the pages coherently. When next I get some income, am going to have to give some thought to hosting and getting some e-commerce tools like a shopping cart and the ability to accept PayPal and credit/debit cards. This little site is becoming a kind of crucible. Managing to get it all finished, it’ll be like crossing a chasm for my confidence.

May 5th/5:47 pm

Am all set for my first couple of campaigns. Chose and tested several sequences of key words and phrases for my WA affiliate link. I have put together an ad--just one--and I plan to prepay the funding on Saturday. Once the money is in order and the campaigns are approved, I'll be all eyes. Immediate sales would be a great treat, but I'll be really looking to see what my "quality scores" are and if they are low, will be tweaking key words to improve things. I have sent my ad to one of the high profile folk in here for counseling. Now that I have actually DONE something, have actually put my money on the line, maybe the mentors in here will just say "try this" with direct help rather than make me keep banging my head against the wall. I am in here to DO, to generate money, not lull my mind reading vats of information. I mean no offense, but if I had found a successful method and was generating a fine income, I'd be directly sharing it. Human life is hard enough.

Saturday is "D"-day.

May 9th/3:08 pm

It's back to square one--a total disaster. Am presently too speechless and disheartened to write about it at the moment. WA University needs to be STREAMLINED big time. Toss all of the convoluted long-winded chatter and break down each subject matter to a step-by-step process.  Do this, THEN this, THEN this...etc. I have enough free e-books on my hard drive.