I was in my Journal and found this in the sea of writing.

It was a dream I had in late May of 1989.  It was so disturbing back then that I wrote about it.  It isn't so much the dream itself that is so frightening as is the way things are right now...including Internet marketing.  Whilst there is nothing new with the way things are now, how this dream parallels with how things are is pretty creepy.

     I was in an open field with a distant, lone dwellingplace

there.  Woods were afar off and the road was gravel.  I went to the

place and it was where my father was.  He rambled on the way he

used to and brought out a Thermos container that had a pop-up spout

made of plastic.  He said he had it for a long time.  I could see

against the blue sky a medium-sized broiling pan with flowers that

was given to him by mother.  It represented to me being kicked out

of the family.  Its smallness represented his loneness.  The

dwellingplace turned into a small camper that was falling apart. 

I could see a plastic sub-siding under its outside siding.  I could

hear my father say, "Don't mess with it!"  He had a Jeep Wagoneer

that looked in good shape.  And I thought about having it.  I could

see the inscription that said, "The man which had nothing, even

that which he had would be taken away."  And I could see it fit his

slothfulness.  But I went near the Wagoneer to see that it was

bondoed up and it had bad suspension and was really a junk.  And I

began to walk off, he started coming and I could see that he was

fastened to a heavy chain and he was trying to walk down the road. 

I was grieved to see it and I saw heavy clouds way off in the

distance and I said to him in anquish and tears, "It was all your

own doing!"  I looked and he was gone and I was the one on the end

of the chain...

I had aught with my father back in those days.  He had died a few years before I wrote the above.

I put this here because it has everything to do with my Internet marketing and everything else in life that I have stood for.  My Journal is so vast there are places I've not read since writing them.  This isn't one of those cases.  I've seen this before...but not in the light of how things are today...

• I'm living in a broken camper.
• I live next to a field and there is a gravel road right near.  It is a bit different than the scenario in the dream but is nonetheless there. 
• I have been disowned by my family.  I did get a call from my younger sister.  It lasted five seconds...a forced "Merry Christmas" and then hung up.
• I've had just about everything I once had taken away by theft and time.   I am missing some very basic things in life that most people take for granted.
• My landlord called me "lazy" because I have not found a job yet. 
• The gifts I do get are tiny indeed (but from the hearts of those who have given them, as Jay rightfully says...it's the act of giving that counts.)  I can tell which gifts come with the heart...and which ones don't.  When I give a gift...I mean it.
• The siding on this camper awfully fits the description of the one in the dream.
• There is a Wagoneer just outside my door.  It isn't mine and though it doesn't have bondo, it is rough and is not driveable.  Frightfully, this Jeep is strikingly in the same position and proximity to my camper as it was in the dream except it is a little further to the left and not so forwardly as in front.  It is, however very nearly placed as such.
• My father was contained in a prison of his own making...and died that way.
• So am I.  (A living dog is better than a dead lion.)

I'm scared to death about this whole thing.  Want to talk about something that makes the hair stand up on the back?  My head is reeling after finding this by accident this morning.

I have two days to come up with my subscription here.  I have made little progress with that since my last post.  I'm sure there are a handful here that are ecstatic that I'm on my way out...but most I feel are either indifferent...or sad that this would happen to any member.  I am different, there's no question about it. Sometimes my own mind scares me but I've been trying to use it for the good.

How is this about IM?  

The writing above says it all.  This is beyond the subconscious mind at work.  I'm not sure right now what to make of it.  Is it destiny?  ...or have I done this to myself?  I want to just leave this camper and run away from it as far as I can go.  Why is there such an accurate description of life in a dream I had so long ago?  Belief systems can cause dreams like the above.  It can also imprison any of us who let it happen.  It's probably too late for me for WA.  I dreamed this over 20 years ago.  How can life be so accurate?

This is not made up else I wouldn't write it.  Why can I know so much about Internet marketing, how to write, and still not be making the grade?

This is my question about marketing...  It's been said that anybody can do this.  With the fact that I believe fully in WA and the methods done here, I've written three posts here since my last one.  I've taken them all off because nobody is reading them...or so it seems.  No matter how hard I try, it seems I'm destined according to what I dreamed so long ago.  Internet marketing isn't the problem.  I've been told from time to time that what I say and what I do appear to be two different things.  It's not what I intend.  Do people here get the same feelings?  I recognize that if this is happening here and in the close circle I'm in, it's probably happening everywhere.  I need to know if I should even try to pay my subscription or let this whole thing go.  Kyle, Carson and Jay are also welcomed to give their honest assessment.  Until all hope is lost, I'm still not giving up.  This is all about marketing on the Internet...whether I am ultimately able to do this or not.