I was awoke from sleep...my telephone was ringing.  It was my older sister wanting an end to family difficulties.  For me, this is a great step towards reprieval.   I consider WA a part of my family, and I hope myself to be a part of the family here.  It has been, as many know, my feeling towards this membership.

Most here will never see this post, but I hope some of you do.  The FaceBook message back to my sister is quite long, so please forgive me for that.  As many know of me, I've had a lot of struggles in life which I've been battling.  In order to be effective in applying the concepts here, it is highly necessary I develop myself to the core.

This has been nothing new of me around here.  It is ongoing and changes from it are both positive and permanent.  Only my closest friends and family would see the following.   My mentor will see it as well.  I've included it here because I believe many can learn from it.  The content found in it has become the very theme of my existence and it is my objective in life to help people with the same issues I've dealt with, come out of them.

"Who Am I?"

• • Per our telephone conversation this morning:
    
    Yes, I've been wanting to go forward for a very long time with the family. There are certain things on all levels that have constantly gotten in the way of these pursuits.
    
    My Journal repeats this over and over and over...when I was at Devereux...throughout the time I lived in Maine...and here in Florida, my desire to be close to my family has not changed one dither. We all got effected in each our own ways. Very often, it's the outside influences that have horribly thwarted my pursuit.
    
    I've lived a life of sheer ostracism. In other words, bullied, defamed and hated. That has been the outcome of my life. I don't blame anyone for doing what they do by nature having the mentalities they have. There are bullies and there are the bullied.
    
    This occurs when someone (like myself) comes along and appears "different" than the norm. I've lost jobs. I've been run off and I've had some very mean things done to me over the years. Because I'm not easily understood, some people with less of a mind have taken great pleasure (and I don't say this lightly) to cause serious disruptions in my life.
    
    Yes, I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia. This is something that developed very early on in me.  It can also be corrected in those who can see it and have the mind to do so.
    
    It is very ironic that last night I had been working on my Journal and the very thing about the pies and toilet paper came up. When I found out about it as my Journal shows...it was in 1995. It refers back to 1992 when evidently you lived in Easthampton. Without going to that part of my Journal, I would have to look at that detail. It might have been an error.
    
    Ironic also, the entries in my Journal from that year and the following (it spills into 1996) say the same exact things I have been saying today about my trips up there...
    
    1. Excitement for the trip to see my family.
    2. Noticing a "newness" wearing off.
    3. Money, bills, coming into play.
    4. Trip becomes longer than planned.
    5. Doing work, etc to try to pay things (i.e. Ma's kitchen)
    6. Family research. (desire to take my family home with me)
    7. Get blamed for things (from the past and current.)
    8. Leaving on bad terms.
    
    This has been the pattern for me on these long trips. Contrary to my objectives for making trips like this, they have turned into times of great frustration and resentment for me...because when I was very young I did act out. Henceforth is why I did things like putting a dead rat in Larry's bed. As for burning records, that I have no recollection. I may or may not have done that...but rest assured, I was probably very young when I did it...if I had indeed.
    
    Leaving so long ago was the very best thing I could ever do for myself. It was quite necessary. Unfortunately, things from the distant past have not been forgotten.
    
    Being set up (as you put it) has not been limited to family. You, Kathy, Larry, Roy, and Raymond all grew up with me. There are things that my family saw of me that people from the outside world have not...and they react to me, sometimes in very mean ways...simply because I don't think like most people do. That has caused more problems for me than anything else...and I've become a target many times under circumstances like this last trip.
    
    Mike has always had a resentment towards me. This is just one of many things to happen. Had he never become part of the family, I assure you, our initial crossing of paths would have been very short and final...but under the circumstances, I'm as forced to have had an on-going relationship with him as he has had with me.
    
    In 2010, I got fired from a job over a lengthy episode where a few key employees (one of which was the head chef) became indignant of me being there having difficulties getting along with certain people. (Back to the same problem again.) It involved Human Resources and being set up for things I hadn't done...and in such a way that I could not prove it was occurring.
    
    These guys wanted me out of there because I came off to them as ...you guessed it...being different.
    
    As for my Journal...it contains my life of having to go through life like this. Today, it is very powerful and very revealing. In its making in its earlier years, I had no idea what I was creating. It shows patterns. It is spontaneous. It is also very delivering. It is the very core of me in print. There is no bias in it when it comes to my feelings towards my family. It has been my deliverance in so many ways I can't even list them all.
    
    What I mean by this, is it carries striking details about things that would have been long forgotten. This work is going to clear my name if after I've died...and hopefully before.
    
    It began in late 1973 when I wrote a story, based on Planet of the Apes and other sci-fi elements. I was the main character in that story, which somehow gotten lost back at Devereux sometime before 1975. The story's title was, "In Search of the Past."  The story was a reflection of the issues I was going through at the time, some of which have not found resolution unto these very days.  With names changed, I was grossly misunderstood and stripped of my true identity.  A very close friend mysteriously disappears.  A house fire occurs (analogous to the fire in that year) for which I'm blatantly blamed for.  I run away and the science fiction influence of the time takes over.  I am flung far into the future in a remote place in Maine which ironically I would find myself living near a decade later in real life!  The story as it was back then, was never finished...but has it? No...but the story did not end there...
    
    I never stopped writing that story and today it is thousands of pages long...a feat most people have not done. The first mention of that book was in nursing notes from Devereux. I have those records today.
    
    It has captured striking details of our family for four decades now. It has indeed been "in search of the past." For all these years I searched for my very identity. I always had the question inside of me..."Who really...am I?" I knew deep inside, that who I've been made out to be...has not been who I really am.
    
    There is one thing that has always troubled me about human nature. It is a little verb of being, "am." We know that the forms of this verb are, am; are; is; will be; was; were; has been; have been and so forth.
    
    Just three or four nights ago I was reading a book about NLP (neuro-linguistic programming.) It talks about the verb of being. The following is an example only...
    
    Most people say, "You are wrong." "He is a thief." "She is a queen."
    
    These are very limiting and extremely debilitating in themselves.
    
    Consider...
    
    "What you did is wrong."
    "What you did is an act of thievery."
    "She wears the title (or office,) "queen."
    
    We can't be just these things...we all have much more about us that make us far more than these things. Sure, deep inside, we know that this is true...but words are powerful and so are our subconscious minds. I hope you can see what I'm saying here.
    
    For many, many things that have been said of me, I've not been given the opportunity to defend myself, either from those within the circumstances...or in my abilities at times. Many times we become the victims of assumptions which, if left alone, become hard, fast beliefs. Another defect of this is that these beliefs become our own prisons. That's right...prisons.
    
    Many, many things that are believed of me are not true. So many times I've been wrongfully convicted, thrown in the jails of many minds...and the key thrown away.
    
    As for what I "is," I'm a human being...nothing more or less. What I do...or believed to have done...is a completely different ballgame altogether. Life changes and so do you and I. Unfortunately, this is not true of many belief systems that get started...for whatever reason.
    
    So, if we are to move forward, let's truly do that. I have chosen, in recent years, to stop being the victim...the bullied one. It still happens though but I've been given many new skills and tools to work with. Finding the person whose property I now live on has been the grandest of breaks I've ever seen in my life...and has been my deliverance. I owe my very life to this person for what he has done for me. Wealthy Affiliate...an Internet marketing training facility has also, providentially, come into my life during these recent times. The benefits that come from this place is beyond belief. It is where I have grown.
    
    That's it. It will have taken you a long time to read this, I know. I'm sorry for its length. I'm not a bad person, nor a good one...I'm just a person...a human being trying to be the best I can.

• 

  20 minutes ago

  Daniel Euergetes

  • It is my grandest of desires, that it doesn't take our passing to strip the veils that hide the truth from our mortal existence.

In Closing:

Thank you, whoever has read this.  I realize that we are here to work on campaigns,  Some of us must do more than that...and all of us can use improvements in our lives.  Change is the colors of time.  As the discourse shows, I've made these changes.  I've taken my very life and am becoming a living example that barriers and walls can be broken down.

Becoming an asset to humanity...and not a victim or a liability, is an ability anyone with a mind can have...if he or she stops long enough to see the context of their lives, without bias.  Failure to do this will result in imprisonment, the key held within by the most important warden of that prison...our core belief system. 

Find that key...and success follows.