Are YOU a Pleaser?

Last Update: September 12, 2011


Well, if you're a woman, then you're a well trained pleaser. If you're a man, you may also be a pleaser, but, through social conditioning,  you have wiggle room and a fighting chance of being released from that bondage.

Why do I say that? Here's how we were all brought up in the US. Not sure about other parts of the world.

Do you remember when you were little? We all heard this popular nursery rhyme over and over.

"What are little girls's made of?
Sugar and spice and everything nice."

"What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails and puppy dog tails."

This is not a women's lib issue, but rather an example of how easy it is to program our behavior. It is suggested to little girls that they are about sweetness and light and n'er a harsh word ever trips over their little lips. It is suggested to little boys that they are tough and rough and not as refined as girls. I think both "suggestions" do both genders a disservice.

Okay, I'll admit I chose the fancy doll over a toy machine gun, but still, I was hardly "just" about sweetness and light. I was very loving most of the time, but I had an edge, even as a child. I beat up the class bully in the third grade because he pulled me off the jungle gym and almost gave me a concussion. Unexpected behavior from a very feminine little girl? You tell me. My good friend Buzzy  baked cookies. He baked great cookies. He was tormented for liking to bake because he was a boy. Buzzy was a leader, a great student, and very popular in school, and one of my favorite people. He was a talented person expressing himself.

Thank God things have changed! Guys are allowed to cook and show emotion now. Crying is a wonderful emotional release and very healthy. Cooking and baking are art forms. Many, if not most of the top chefs are men.

Logging Stereotypes is unfair. It's all fake, illusion, delusion, and created through "suggestion." It's also intended to control people's behavior.

We limit ourselves through suggestion, or we empower ourselves through suggestion.  It's a form of hypnosis. It is supported by data being fed from outside ourselves. We are programmed from when we are very little, during the most "suggestible," vulnerable time in our lives, to respond to stimulus in a conforming way.

Be aware of being programmed, so you are not duped, and so that you can stay in touch with your own reality, and so that you can be clear sighted and very honest, and so that you don't limit your potential, and so that you take control of your own actions and have a hand in your own destiny.

I know people who are so convinced that their doctors are always right, that if the doctor tells them they'll be well in a day, dutifully, they are well in a day. If the doctor tells them they'll be dead in 6 months, they believe it, and so as not to disappoint their doctor (the "pleaser"again), they die in order to prove the doctor correct. Polite? Isn't that sad? If I were a doctor, I'd never give someone such a timeline. To me, it's playing God.

Medicine has its place, for sure. It's nice to empower the patient.  I like the placebo treatment: the patient heals himself through suggestion. Got to admit, it sure beats dying.

It's nice to make people happy. Don't allow your desire to "please" get in the way of what special thing you have to offer, or just being yourself.

If you are going to use the power of suggestion, then use it to your advantage. Don't doubt yourself.

Suggest "Yes I can" Believe you can. Then you can.

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veronica.l Premium
Love your post! Being a mother of a 7 year old son and a 2 year old daughter this is a topic that interest me a lot. Me and my husband encourage both our kids to bake, play soccer, play in the dirt, dress up...

It is funny though how my son loves to play Indian Jones and my daughter Princess...

We try to give them the same upbringing but we will not go as far as this couple though :-) http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/995112--parents-keep-child-s-gender-a-secret

Agree - when you believe you can, that is when things will happen!

Thanks for sharing!
jatdebeaune Premium
Hahaha, That was great Art... Love it! Are you describing me or Miss Piggy? Uh oh. If the shoe fits as they say.
burntout Premium
Sugar and spice and everything nice.
You beat up the bully and put him on ice.
Boys are rough and tough...
unless Joan has had enough!
I chose a doll...
I'm not sinister at all.
I have been programed to be dainty.
I'll bust your head, or break your arms, maybe.
So take your medicine
And theres a chance I won't throw you in the trash bin.
The power of suggestion takes a toll,
Makes me go a little out of control.

Girls are scary.
jatdebeaune Premium
Hi Rob! Glad to see you're back. I like that quote. Our beliefs are powerful and controlling. Gotta be careful what you believe.
Robg1 Premium
Hi Joan! Ive been away fir a bit. Yes so much conditioning in all respects. Behaviour, beliefs and all sorts. One of my favorite quotes is somthing like this - "You were born as an individual. Don't die as a copy"
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