From the sublime to the ridiculous. They're back! Alfred Hitchcock, where are you?

Here's the seed of a good niche idea for someone so inclined.

I live in an old carriage house that was discovered last year by a family of barn swallows. It seems we have the perfect conditions for them to nest and breed their young. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care. I love animals. They want to live with me? Fine. As long as they don't come inside or bug me outside.

I discovered I'm not St. Francis after all. These little creatures attack me and my family every time we leave the house. They come swooping down and whiz through our hair like little feathery bombers. It's so aggravating.

They're back this year. I discovered they don't like noise, so I set the radio on a news station and am blasting it at them. Two of them are sitting on the nest at once, and won't budge. Ugh.  A month of this? NO! I tried rubber snakes. Tried rattling a coffee can full of pennies. Maybe I should take out the fog horn and scare the neighbors. Stalwart! Can't discourage them.

Do any of you have an idea what to do? Please share.

Friendly pest control could be a niche, by the way.  We used to have trouble with honey bees taking residence in our south wall. Ended up being a huge expense to expel them.  Bee keeper came over. He was delighted and it was fascinating for us to watch. Expensive though. We had to tear down part of the house on the outside and rebuild it.

Wanted to give you an opportunity to laugh while I cry.

Update: Maybe they can be marketed as tiny feather dusters on autoresponder. There's got to be a use for them other than looking cute.