Logged in again for the first time since my previous post. I am overwhelmed by the kindness in the comments. Thank you so much for the understanding, positive thoughts, healing, gold you have sent me. 

 I had a bad setback today. I am not allowed to organise my partner's funeral in the way he would want it, because we didn't manage to get married before he died: the wedding was set for July 28. That right technically belongs to his adult daughters. They refused any contact  with him for the last 6-7 years and told him they never wanted to see him again. His grief at this rejection is part of the reason he walked a path of self-destruction. If they do arrange the funeral, they will certainly exclude me.

I'm trying to hold on to the positive affirmation I made last night, before this latest blow hit me:

 I am powerless over the fact my partner chose to drink himself to death.

I do have control whether to choose to let this destroy my life or not.

I choose freedom, to let my life develop as I wish. I will remember the man I fell in love with, not the shell that died last week. I will miss his companionship, but I have been alone before and will find the strength to be alone again and flourish in my aloneness."

Thank you again, for your support.