Where Did My Ambition Go??
Its only my second week back at work and I already feel like the life has been sucked out of me leaving me feeling like I don't want to do a damn thing. While I find myself yet to be slapped in the face by the overwhelming feeling that had a hold on me for so long last year, I now find myself just utterly confused as to what to do next.
I know I should work on building my second site, JenniesPetCorner.com, but then I feel myself getting distracted by stuff I still need to get rid of on eBay as well as the plethora of floral supplies that has taken over half the attic. All of which equates to some amount of cash, but my shop also has the ability to deliver cash provided I successfully drive more traffic to my shop. Why do I keep doing this? Why do I let myself get distracted when I should know better by now? Is it my job that does this to me? Or am I just trying to make excuses for myself?
The more I think about it, everything seems to circle back to my job. I MUST work in order to pay the bills, but I do not enjoy my work. I end up turning out on some conference calls because I find I no longer have an interest in expanding my knowledge cause I really do not want to chase down yet another IT job should this contract finally end and it is the instability and utter dislike of being a 9-5er that causes me to pursue other avenues, I just wish I could figure out how to prevent myself from getting pulled in too many directions at once.
Maybe its because I have a house full of stuff that needs to go, or its the fact that I know I have to work on my websites cause I know results will not come in a day. So I end up ping ponging back and forth between things, only to be left with a feeling of having not accomplished a damn thing. What worries me most is I see the anxiety and frustration of last year trying to come back and take its hold on me and I find myself doing my best to keep it at bay cause the last thing I need to do is go back there cause I KNOW nothing good EVER comes from too much frustration.